Constance van Niekerk
Some of us come with a lot of baggage, like myself, two failed marriages, three biological kids and lots of adopted kids from two late sisters. These are actual human beings I can’t just wish away. Everytime a man hears my story he runs for cover. Which actually is a good thing. They at least save me a heartbreak in the future. See, if you can’t deal with a woman with kids, it’s okay, just leave her alone. Somewhere, somehow, someday there will be a man who will love her and her kids. So, don’t judge her, don’t waste her time either, don’t pretend to love her and just use her. She’s not your toilet where you relieve yourself and walk away into the sunset with some young sister. There will be a man to take her as she is. If you stick around in her life, she might miss her chance to be happy be happy. Just because I have kids, and two broken marriages, it doesn’t mean that I am a terrible woman. It doesn’t mean that I am loose. If you wouldn’t make me your wife, then you shouldn’t be dating me. Yes, at times I will have trust issues, at times I will have breakdowns, I will be scared to love again. These are the times I need you the most. These are the times you prove to me that you are for real, they’re not a chance for you to dump me, but, if you do, no hard feelings. FYI, if you don’t date me, it will not kill me. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger 😏. I mean, being in a genuine relationship is awesome, but, my happiness does certainly not come from a man. I don’t need a man to validate my existence…. Can I get an amen sistaz! If you come along and we’re great together, then fantastic. If you treat me or my kids bad, then ‘hit the road Jack. Don’t you come back no more!’
Ladies and gentlemen, I can not say this enough. If your partner doesn’t treat your kids well, let them go. Open the door and lock it behind them… They ain’t worth it. It’s very heartbreaking to see kids being neglected for the sake of ‘bae’. Once you have kids, they become your first priority. Do not sit by and watch your kids being abused just because ‘he is giving us a place to stay’. That is just plain evil! If he or she cannot treat your children like his own, he is not worth it! Let that person go! Being single has never killed anyone. Wait, the right man will come. The right woman will come. Your kids deserve to be happy too…. Just hold on. Real love will come.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you have a child with someone, but you are not together anymore, don’t use the kids as weapons in your battle with your exes. Leave the kids out of your squabbles. They didn’t sign up for that. Allow them please to visit their dad/ mom. It is childish to keep kids away from their biological parents, unless they’re abusive to the kids. When there are kids involved, be the adults and compromise for the sake of those children. Unless, only unless the kids are in danger.
Don’t ever neglect your kids to please anybody. If he or she tells you that you can’t bring your child(ren) with you, that marriage is as good as dead. Where your child is, is where you ought to be…. Believe me, I’m talking from experience. No man is worth turning your back on your child. If you do, you will live to regret it…. Don’t do it! So, when you have kids, and you meet a nice person, don’t be scared to tell them about your kids. Your kids are your world. If they have a problem with your kids, don’t you let them into your life. My motto is, ‘my kids, my world.’ Don’t be scared to tell them your story. If they wanna leave, wish them well! You got to say it, ‘If you wanna leave, take good care. Hope you find a lot of nice friends out there….’
Psalms 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalms 127:4 As arrows are in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.
Psalms 127:5 Happy, blessed, and fortunate is the man whose quiver is filled with them! They will not be put to shame when they speak with their adversaries [in gatherings] at the [city’s] gate.
Don’t gossip about your partner with your biological child. Teach your biological children to respect your partner. Even if you suspect that your partner is maltreating your child, don’t show them that you are taking sides, investigate every accusation. Only react after you have proof. Sometimes kids will create a gap between you and your partner. Listen to both sides without bias, and investigate quietly. Don’t badmouth your ex with your kids. It’s a sign of immaturity. Your kids must not know every disagreement you’ve had with your partner.
Always be alert for changes in your child. Be there for them and show them you love them. Make them feel comfortable with talking to you about anything. We’re living in a cruel and inhumane world. Give them someone to trust.
Lastly, young mother, having a child doesn’t mean you have to sleep with whoever you are dating. Having a child is not a license to be promiscuous. Some men date for sex, not love. You are a beautiful woman who made some mistakes but, your child is not one of them. Don’t let a man talk you into being his ‘sex-mate’…. You can still find love…. Treat yourself well! Don’t open your legs to whoever says ‘I love you’. Men will say anything to get between your legs. And men, if you think she’s not ‘marriage-material’, don’t open her legs! She’s already been hurt so, don’t treat her bad too!